JUDGE NOT ME , IF U DONT WANT TO BE JUDGED 😏


Disclaimer: I am participating in Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022 and this is my post for J # Judge, not me if you don't want to be judged 😏

Getting engaged at 20 and married at 21, the People pleaser I was, always tried to avoid conflict, trying to change myself, just to fit in and be praised. Seldom does the pat on the back came but mostly ignored.

What I was supposed to wear, since now I was in a different household, how I needed to behave, what time I was supposed to get up, what time I was to sleep everything pre-decided and not by me but by the Patriarchal family I was married into.

I never opened up about my feelings for fear of being judged. I never wore a dresses  to avoid unpleasant situations at home or outside.  I never drove a car, even after having a license as it would have me again standing in front  for a reprimand. I couldn't go out of the house after dark, although I was going in the company of friends,  no movie nights,  no matter how much I wanted to. All the while I hated arguments in all forms. Most of the time I was told I wasn't capable enough, that I wasn't street smart like others, but then when u never give me a chance to prove myself how can u possibly judge me.

As my life goes slipping out of my hands I sit back and think, about why I let my life be judged by everyone around me.  Why did I feel the need for validation,  why did I give up my original self and become what others wanted me to 

I don't have the slightest idea, but gradually after years of being married my outlook has started changing. (There are very few things I am passionate about. That includes my guitar and keyboard). Music was the only thing that started putting my life in the right perspective. 


When I had started pursuing it I was told by my immediate family to find a female instructor which I couldn't so I had to started learning on YouTube. 

Finally, I did find a music class with female instructors. But still, potatoes gonna potate.

With my guitar hanging on my shoulder whenever I walked down the road, I felt people eyeing me thinking, she is already a mother of two and still has these idiosyncrasies. Many times I have been stopped by a few acquaintances on my way to my guitar class,  just to know which of my kid was enrolled there. The raised eyebrows when I say,  it's me, were acceptable as long as I could bid them a hasty b-bye and simply walk away. I was innumerable times told that I should have got this guitar craze over with, in my teenage years. Even my husband had asked me to do something fruitful, rather than waste my time and energy on just a hobby that has no future. Any time I forgot to do a regular chore, I was always told how come u never forget to play the guitar but u forgot to do this. Still, I didn't give up...I just couldn't.  These opinions had never demoralized me, just made me think 🤔 that why is it so difficult to do something just for yourself ...to be selfish? 

LESSON LEARNT # 

You are free to judge me 

I m not what u see

I am what I think I am 

What u think, I NOW CARE A DAMN 

I can play the guitar and still be a great Mom

I m capable and many a hat I can Don.

I can do yoga in a pair of jeans 

Just discourage me and see what it means 

I shall do exactly the thing u judge me for 

You will end up feeling the grapes are sour.

REPERCUSSIONS 

A lot of things have slipped out due to my altruism ✋

But no more getting affected due to others' euphemisms 👍

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

Comments

  1. (in)sane mind12 April 2022 at 09:45

    This is the Chotu I knew, absolute badass... lost in the course of time. Welcome back, the only sibling I call rival.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Afshan Shaik12 April 2022 at 10:54

    Aah! on road asking and raising eyebrows?!.strange..good that u took ur stand and continued doing what u must..am amazed actually that u hav patience to tolerate all this!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Deepa from FictionPies3 May 2022 at 23:00

    Ugggh, people have nothing better to do in life than to judge. Be it family or neighbours or this so called society which does not come to pay my bills by the way. I think we learn these things especially the art of 'standing up for ourselves' the hard way only. So many times, we give in just to keep the peace but after a while it's like enough is enough. As long as we know in our hearts we are not doing anything ethically or morally wrong (Yes, it's subjective - so prone to our definitions just like others think it's prone to theirs) - we should be good. If someone does not like it, that's their problem. Keep following your heart!

    Read my A-Z at FictionPies

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A friend in need is a friend indeed! 😇

Image
 A # A friend in need is a friend indeed TO ERR IS HUMAN😇 TO FORGET IT AND STILL MAKE THE SAME 🙄 WELL IS  HUMAN AGAIN 🙂 GRADUALLY MAKING IT AGAIN N' AGAIN 🙄🙄 YOU BECOME A MASTER IN THE GAME 🏆 Some mistakes don't have a noteworthy impact,  but a few change the course of your life.I shall be talking about both, till u feel, thank God you are after all not me. The first big mistake I remember was committed in my 4th standard,  I was 8 years old then and had made my very first best friend. 👭Her name was Kanchan. We had sworn to stand by each other through thick n thin . One day she informed me her telephone ☎️ ( that was the norm in the 80s and 90s ) was out of order and if I could register its complaint. I told her that I was unaware of the process. She gave me a number on which I was supposed to call and directed me on how to go about it . I agreed 👍.  In the afternoon,  I decided to do the needful.  I called up, a man's voice answered,  I told him I wanted to registe
Read more

DRIZZLE TO DOWN POUR

Image
  Disclaimer:  I am participating in  Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022  and this is my 4 the post for  D # Drizzle to Downpour  I was in the first year of college. We were given a preparatory leave for our midterm exams. It was Monsoon time.  That day I had a project to submit so had to go to college. Normally my whole group of friends would board the bus together, but today I had no company. The sky seemed clear. I felt if I could get the bus at 8, reach college around 9, and submit the assignment, I could be back by 10 o clock. That way I could save the rest of the day for studying. I just took my wallet, put my project done so prudently in my bag and off I went.  I boarded the almost empty bus and took my favourite window seat. Whenever commuting to and fro, I have crossed the Howrah Bridge, I have always felt so relaxed. The cool breeze from the Hooghly river whispering in my ear always brought tranquillity and peace. The bus had great momentum. I felt I could reach even before 9. 
Read more

R# RUN LOLA RUN

   Disclaimer:  I am participating in  Blogging from A-Z challenge 2022  and this is my post for R# RUN LOLA RUN When I was young, the world was beautiful,  nice and green 🌴🌳🌲🪴🌿🌿🍀☘🌱 I was scared of dying and leaving the fun in between 🌺🌷⚘🌼🌻🥀🌹🏵💐 As I grew older it became a little less merriment 🙁 As homework and expectations took the place of enjoyment 🙃 I thought it was all temporary  Once I reached adulthood, it will again be merry 🙂  So till then RUN LOLA RUN 🏃‍♀️  The fun will soon return  As I became an adult, soon came matrimony and parenthood 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 The need of the hour said to fulfil my duties as a good wife and mother should 🤹‍♀️ The sun still shone beautifully 🌞  And the birds chirped happily 🦜🦜  Yet RUN LOLA RUN  So much still needs to be done ✔  Life was smooth, just a little hectic 😇 Till out of the blue came the PANDEMIC🤔 I wish it was an albatross and I the ancient Mariner😈 I could have easily shot it with my gun to keep the world happier.
Read more