I wish she hadn't loved me the way she did .😔

 This is a story set in mid-1960s India. At that time Family Planning was still 👪 an ignored concept. Sudha lived in a small city in Rajasthan with her parents and siblings. Their family was considered affluent till the previous generation, but due to a few wrong investments, had lost a considerable amount of wealth. Sudha was the third child. Her eldest brother was married and lived in a different city.  Her elder sister had recently got married too, so now the responsibility of the household landed on her twelve-year-old shoulders. Her parents were always busy. Sudha's mother was a social worker, visiting hospitals and slums regularly on a day to day basis taking care of the sick and the needy(at the cost of neglecting her household). She was respected and adulated by many. Sudha's father worked in a bank as a manager. Both left early in the morning and came late. Sudha was responsible for getting her two younger brothers, sister and herself ready for school,  packing their lunches, serving them breakfast etc.

After coming back from school, she used to clean and tidy up things and set herself up for dinner preparations. She felt happy when she saw the look of pride and delight on her parents' faces when they returned in the evening.  

As was obvious after her sister's marriage,  Sudha found it difficult to cope with her studies. Complaining would have been futile. Mother was forever busy and her father was too tired by the end of the day. Sudha was good in Maths and Science,  but with the rest of the subjects, she needed to put in hard work. With her final exams around the corner, she pushed herself to study diligently.  Keeping her books on the kitchen shelf, reading and trying to memorize while cooking 🍳. But somehow it required a lot more effort, that too, throughout the year.

 Her exams didn't go well. Presumably, she failed in her class. Looking at her report card, sitting alone, when everyone else had left, she felt dejected 😔 and miserable. Putting her head down on the desk, she began to cry 😢. 

The new Principal was on her round, as she peeped inside, she saw Sudha crying uncontrollably. She went and sat beside her. Patting her back, she tried to console her that it was ok to fail if she was willing to try again. Sudha looked up and told her about the sad state of affairs at home. She said she would be now mocked by her friends.

 The Principal, on seeing Sudha was moved so much, that she said "DON'T WORRY, I SHALL SEE THAT YOU ARE PROMOTED."

Sudha was elated,  she excitedly thanked the Principal and went home happily 😊 ☺. 

The Principal, Mrs Vyas looked at the happy figure running down the hall. She could not help the tears in her eyes. She was 😢 thinking of her daughter, Shikha, who would have been the same age and would have looked exactly like Sudha, same plump cheeks and fair skin. The brightness in Sudha's eyes kept lingering in Mrs Vyas' mind as she thought of her daughter who had died in a car accident eight years ago. 

Sudha was happy 😊 as she reached home. She decided that in her new class she would study hard and get good marks to show gratitude for her kind gesture🙏. 

But the responsibilities were not ready to be eased. They kept multiplying. Her parents had taken Sudha for granted 😕 . Since they were once a renowned family, guests were omnipresent. 

That year also came to its conclusion with unfinished homework, unread lessons, complaints from the teachers and final exams. Sudha failed yet again. She went to Mrs Vyas, who again saw that she was promoted. 

This continued till Sudha reached her 10th standard. This time Mrs Vyas personally called her parents and spoke to them about Sudha's deplorable study scenario. She explained how crucial was the year as it ended with the central board examinations, after which the students would select the stream they needed to pursue. Since Sudha was intelligent, she would be able to crack the exams, provided she focused on her studies. Sudha's parents listened, nodding their agreement, but by evening it was all forgotten. Sudha also didn't pursue much, since now she found daily chores easier than studying.  

Mrs Vyas once called Sudha to her home and told her if she needed any help in her academics, she was always welcome. 

The year went by, and the Board exams as expected couldn't be conquered. Sudha failed 😞 badly,  while all her other friends passed.  Someone even mocked her saying, "this time your fairy God Mother won't be coming to your rescue ." 

She came home impudent and reckless feeling like a habitual offender, threw her bag in a corner headed straight to the kitchen and started working.  

Soon Sudha was married. Her husband worked as an engineer in Delhi. Not only was he very well placed in his job but was also respected by his friends and colleagues. He was very impressed by his wife's culinary skills and the way she used to keep the house. Her flawless cooking won many the hearts of his friends. Sudha used to accompany her husband at the latter's office get-togethers. Whenever she saw her husband chatting away fluently in English, she felt inferior.  Once at a party, she went to keep her plate, when she overheard two of the officers' wives gossiping about HER. She heard her name, beauty unfiltered and brain unlettered. Illiterate is what she was followed by their mocking laughter, which on seeing her didn't even stop just turned to giggles. 

She felt a stab in her chest.  The wound felt deep and nasty.  She wanted to cry out loudly wail like a child 😭 but what would it prove, just that those snide remarks were true. She came back home and cried her heart out. Her husband tried to comfort her,  but she wouldn't stop. She had never faced a humiliation of this kind ever in her life.

She stopped going to parties after that. At home, she tried reading English newspapers,  with her husband being a constant support.  

A year or so after her marriage, she got a telegram from Mrs Vyas, saying she was unwell, wanting to meet her immediately. 

She took the first bus, she could and headed straight to her native place. By the next morning, she was standing in front of the bedridden Mrs Vyas. She had been diagnosed with stomach cancer, six months ago. Sudha felt devastated. Mrs Vyas spread her arms in a gesture to hug 🫂 her. Sudha held her lovingly, thinking 🤔 "Why did she love me the way she did ? I wish she hadn't 😒."